I'll tell you about a very personal example. I was divorced and very depressed and after that divorce I continued to wear my wedding ring and jewellery my x had given me for a year. That was one bad year, by the way.
One day I woke up with a thought that maybe I should stop wearing this jewellery. Take it off! Set myself free and just get rid of it! (about time but still...)
It was a big deal to do it. And it was one of those moments that you remember so clearly. So there I stood and took rings off and placed every item together. Being good jewellery I offered them to the girls if they wanted them which removed them from my home as well.
As I did it I said a little prayer. I said something like "I want to be free now and put all this behind me. I am open to what You (God) might send into my life and ready to move on".
That seemed sufficient. And good.
I felt physically lighter! And relieved! I was amazed that I FELT different.
Well, this comes with a warning! Do not do this if you are not ready for good things to come into your life! It is true that new good things will come in when you have released old bad things! I am sure this is with physical things as well as things in our heart.
THAT evening I came home from work and I had an email. It was from Andy's secretary and it said "you do not know me, my name is Ruth. I am Andy S secretary and I have listened to him talk to me about you for eight years. Would you like to hear from him?" she was trying to push him to contact me and stop talking about it!
Andy had been my first boyfriend when I was 15/16. I was happy to say yes! I would love to hear from him and the next day he began writing to me everyday....
Can you believe that was the same day I let go of that jewellery and freed myself up?
Why on earth did I keep, and worse still wear, something that had bad memories? Why do we keep anything with bad memories? Why do we hang on?
Todays Flylady reminder was about getting rid of stuff. Getting rid of stuff that is useless, ugly, has bad memories.... we don't need negative reminders! So many people have items they don't like, worse they think are ugly.
I knew someone who kept all her divorce papers and x husbands bits and pieces in boxes in her home and lugged them to everywhere she lived. And she lugged it all everywhere in her heart and daily existence too. I said why not toss it all out and free yourself up? Why keep it? She had not been ready to let it all go in either way.
I am sure physically tossing things out helps you to do it in your heart.
Now and then I realise an item doesn't make me happy. I had a tray some time ago and every time I looked at it I was reminded of a past friendship that I felt sad about. Every morning I saw that tray and had a negative thought! When I realised it I gave it to the op shop, even though it was lovely. Gosh that improved my mornings!
Instead have things around you that remind you of happy wonderful things. Plan things so you see lovely reminders of beautiful people, times, thoughts, where you know you will see them. The things you know bring you joy... for me they include flowers, family photos, reminders of holidays, things to do with comfort like a lovely cup and saucer, a soft rug.
I am so aware that things can carry guilt, obligation, resentment and all sorts of terrible feelings. Or they can carry happiness, inspiration, joy, beauty...
I am forever adding photos and snippets to my memory and inspiration boards so that I see them and they lit me up. It really costs nothing to do it. But it has become a conscious decision to make sure I keep these things around me so that I see them all the time.
The cost of lugging a load around of negative things is huge. It really is true that you have to get rid of the stuff you don't want to make room for the stuff you do want!
Excellent advice x 18! I KNOW... SOMEone out there NEEDED this beautiful, freeing advice. You shall not regret sharing it.
ReplyDeleteHugs and happy highways,
Kelley~
Thank you Kelley I hope someone else experiences the relief! xx
DeleteWhy drag all that heavy stuff around? To remind you how strong you are! To remind you not to make that mistake again! Because it did happen, it actually does not go away just because it is out of sight, and because it shaped your character. You will not obliterate the memory by casting aside an object. Life is interesting and we grow through both good and adverse experiences. Trust yourself.
ReplyDeleteDear Annabel, since I am a new reader of your blog I hope you don't mind me posting comments awhile after you've published a post. I would like to say that this post speaks volumes to me...I am a very sentimental person. Beyond the fact that I'm hard-wired that way, I know that I've also learned to "hang onto things" as a by-product of my parents' up-bringing....as a result of THEIR parents' upbringing. In other words, it often times is not on purpose that I personally hang onto things that are sad or negative reminders. But once I realize something is causing grief and I can let it go it is completely liberating. There is a richness in learning many of us have differing opinions and contrary to the previous comment (whilst I do appreciate her input), I completely disagree with dragging stuff around to prove how strong we are, most people I have listened to would say it wore them clean out! While letting go of things with negative associations doesn't erase the memory it truly is a balm for the soul. Many people need the sweet reassurance found in this very personal post from your heart and my prayer is all who need to read it, find it. Hugs-Colette :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Colette. I keep learning this... I need to have good reminders and mementos around me, they really uplift me. I simply cannot lug around sad reminders and cannot imagine hanging on to terrible things, things I hate etc. But some people feel obliged. If they could be set free of this their burdens would be lighter I think. Each time I have let go of things new wonderful things have come into my life! No coincidence I think! xx
ReplyDeleteDear Annabel , I came across this old thread and what good timing , I never thought about some of the things I keep eg papers that remind me of something that is in the past , that DH and I keep as a record. Then I thought , after reading your post , why do we need this record hmmm...so In will see what he thinks...
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that detail of how you remet Andy,it was meant to be :-)
Thanks and love, Maria xxx