I love a post where I can show some of the photos that have come in!
This is from Chloe.
She made Mum's Lemon Butter and Lemon Cleaning Vinegar. 😊
Anyone reading Laine's Letters will see she spoke about this subject a lot. She has a lot of letters on debt, paying off debt, not owing anyone, times when she had to say very hard "no, we cannot afford that" and so many things, some of them quite heart breaking. I remember one time she needed a gift and she only had three dollars left in her purse. She made it a challenge to find a gift with that three dollars and she said that it is more important to stick within her budget to her family than to buy a fancy gift. I have remembered that always as if there is anyone I would like to be like it is Laine.
Rachel's Macadamia Nuts.
She has Macadamia Trees!
We live in a world now where debt is just normal and the US and Australian national debts are mind blowing as is the debt of the average family. And these figures grow daily. They grow so much that many have decided to give up and there is nothing you can do about it. But you can rest assured this all is not going to end well. Kicking the can down the road never ends well as someone has to face the consequences. So we here care about that but you have to understand many people do not.
Also do try to see the times you have to say no as a teaching thing, if your children understand how the money is made that goes into the house, how hard it is worked for and how it has to be managed to pay for everything you are teaching them good lessons and about reality and responsibility and giving and helping others.
Rachel getting ready to make citrus jam.
The next thing that is certain that if you stand for any good thing you are going to face opposition. If you stand for any Biblical thing you are going to get a whole lot of trouble over that in the world today. So that really is the first step, deciding who you are serving and who you want to please.
Rachel's beautiful citrus jam.
Then we have the fact that no matter what you are doing to improve your life you are going to have opposition. This sounds ridiculous on the face of it but it is true. If you are trying to lose weight and get healthier you likely will have someone near you who will sabotage that. I used to teach health and fitness and this was a problem for many people. As soon as they were successful their husband or sister or someone would begin buying them boxes of chocolates or something like this and they would come and ask "why would they do that when they know how hard I am trying?" My answer would be it is just the same as WHY would friends and family smoke around someone trying terribly hard to give up smoking? Why does the alcoholic still get offered drinks?
People might seriously be sabotaging your efforts or they might just think they are being kind to include you. I think it is worth stating clearly and nicely what you are doing and what you can't afford so there is no wondering if they realise. After that if you are invited to expensive events you can conclude they are either lazy and don't care or it is actually a form of exclusion. I certainly have known people to plan events that only some can go to and it is just a form of snobbery and exclusion but more often people are just setting up something that suits them and are not too interested in how it will be for others. But whatever this is it is about THEM not you. Like Laine and the three dollars it doesn't matter. Your job is just to stay within your budget and keep your household on track.
Chloe's afternoon tea for a friend.
There has always been peer pressure around money and possessions. I originally thought peer pressure was a school days thing but I soon found out there is massive adult peer pressure and also adult bullying. There is adult manipulations and things you would not believe of adults!
I was a single Mum when the girls were growing up. I had a lot of help from my parents so I didn't have to say no very much for financial reasons. So I cannot advice on that other than in general. But I did say no a lot on social things as there were a lot of things I would not let the girls attend and sleep overs to homes we didn't know and trust etc. I wrote about the pressures I felt in a few past posts, one of them was Your Time. This came down to the same kind of thing, people placing pressure on you to do things their way!
Rachel sent me photos of bird nests on her farm!
I do think it is much harder when you have to say no to children and certainly from a financial point of view. Once again I would say read Laine's Letters on this subject. I can tell you this all did her children no harm at all as they are all grown into fine people.
One thing I think is to create a lot of yes moments yourself. Some of ours were yes to craft and whole cooking days with a friend coming over, yes to a pyjama day movie marathon, yes to an op shopping day and so on. There are a lot of things that would be wonderful to do that you can say yes to! And this applies to the family get togethers and social things also... yes to a BBQ or a potluck or a family picnic where everyone brings something! Yes to making a cake and delivering it for a birthday! I like to say yes to afternoon teas!
With the big family events that are costing a fortune I am finding I would much rather visit a person when things are quiet and I can actually get to talk to them which you seldom can at a crowded event. Skip the big bash and visit them yourself with something you have baked and with the children. They will love this more!
Jane made Rachel's Ravioli!
She said it was so delicious!
Some families seem to have a social director. This person feels it is up to them to arrange everything and that everyone must obey. haha! I see eyes rolling. To disobey the social director is a dangerous thing. Well, there you go, being the odd one out that the social director cannot control is your lot in life. Seriously, when you see it this way it is almost funny!
Aside of creating ways to say yes that are good and positive work on having goals and rewards. Celebrate achievements and practice gratitude and simple joys. You can inject so much joy into a household without it costing anything. Create atmosphere and memories. Build your nest.
And find support. Counteract the wrath of the social director with savings buddies, craft friends, cooking for someone who is lonely and beautiful things. As we all know we can have wonderful friends that do understand and are doing the same things and distance is no problem!
It is not easy. But it is easier if you know your mission and goals. Last weeks Megs said : "It's beginning to be Fall here, and I was thanking God for all the blessings that He gives. I especially thanked him for the feeling of peace that living within your means brings."
I cannot finish with anything better than that!
Have a very good week! I am hoping for a smoother one. Everyone has improved in health. I have most of the unpacking done!
How do you manage pressures to blow your budget? How do you stay on track? This is a big question! It can be lonely if you have no one supportive around you and the media is basically all advertising. Even our news stories now are often thinly veiled ads. They are all trying to sell you something! Many charities too are not real charities and they aggressively pressure you.
And with children, how do you say no and keep things realistic in your home?
Any tips you have please share! xxx
What a fabulous post! Expect opposition- great advice. I think that's part of the battle, being taken by surprise. I don't have anything to add but wanted to say thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you lady Locust. When I was young I found it really hard to say no. I literally needed to practice what to say. I was often saying yes when I meant no! Eventually I learned to say that I needed to check my diary and I would get back to people. This bought me time and I did better as it reduced the being taken by surprise factor! I still do it... let me check my diary... then I get time to weigh it up! Thank you! xxx
DeleteA comment for Cristy -
ReplyDeleteI don't know how old your children are, but if part of the issue of your feeling badly about not being able to spend much on your children is that their friends seem to have so much, you might find my single mum experience helpful. (My children are now well-adjusted, thoughtful and kind twenty and twenty-four year olds.) In a similar season, I found it helpful to talk about the ways in which they were blessed in having the opportunity to play with special and sometimes expensive things when they visited their friends' homes, and we discussed the reality that there are whole communities where no one has those special toys because nobody can afford them. I found that this approach helped to build both gratitude and empathy simultaneously, and it helped to remove the temptation to feel resentful, or to speak judgementally and negatively about the families who had what we didn't. There may have been some whose children had more because their parents were making unwise financial choices, but equally, there were those who purchased things for their children because it was well within their means....and in some small sense my children were the beneficiaries if they had the opportunity to play with them.
I hope that this small thought might help to alleviate your sense of guilt.
Blessings.
Dear Judy, That is a lovely way of looking at it! We had friends with a pool who were very generous with letting us come and swim. That is a good example as this was a blessing to us in the hot weather. It was very nice! Thank you, this is a great suggestion, with love Annabel.xxx
DeleteJudy, gratitude and empathy simultaneously. I like that idea. My kids are 12, 10, and 7.
DeleteOne thing I have tried is to make a point to visit people who do not have as much as we have. Over the years, we have had the priviledge of providing pb and jelly and bread to a family with absolutely no food in the house, cookies for homeless people, cookies for those in the Ronald McDonald House and visiting the elderly who have no one to talk to.
I have used the theory that what you focus on determines the attitude. We cannot compete with those who have so much more than we do, but we can look in a different direction.
Thank you for your suggestion, Judy. I appreciate your help in what is a complicated matter for our family.
Cristy
Hello Annabel, I found again that last week's comments didn't come through, so I am typing this on my laptop which never fails. Don't know why I can't be 100% successful on iPad or phone. Anyway, here I am and I can say that everything you said was resonating with me. My children are married adults now but I raised them in a very similar manner to you. Even now, my son's wife barely cooks a thing, it is pretty much up to him to be at work by 8 am and home around 5.30-6 and cook. I don't know how she gets away with that one. I love the look of Jane's go at doing Rachael's ravioli. It's on my list to do.
ReplyDeleteMy hens are laying in buckets again now the days are sunnier and a bit warmer and today I made a quiche and have your winter sunshine cake in the oven now. I do love your hen's nest that was being built up in the garden - she was feathering her own nest! Mine used to try to do that but my sneaky dog would follow them and eat the eggs as soon as they left the nest. Took me a while to catch onto that one. I was very sad to hear that all Lucy's family were ill, it's awful seeing a child sick and then as parents catching it and hoping to just crawl into bed and sleep it off but you can't because you're a parent. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you. Crossing fingers that little Scarlett doesn't get it, good to hear that Harper is on the mend. Have a good week "see you" on Wednesday. Fi xx
Dear Fiona, I am glad you've persisted despite lost comments thank you! I am thinking Im tired as it is late and I just thought how do your hens get in and out of the buckets hahaha! But now I realise what you are saying! Well I am glad you have so many eggs this is wonderful.
DeleteFiona it would have broke your heart to see Harper so sick and in pain. We have been very lucky with nothing but usual childhood colds and sniffles and this was the first real illness. We all remember the times like this when kids are little and no sleep etc either!
I hope you have a good week too, I really want a more normal week! with much love, Annabel.xxx
Annabel the early part of your post reminded me of an article I was reading over the weekend that stated the Aussie debt to income ratio is in the vicinity of 190%. Another article stated that Aussies are failing to save preferring to live in the moment.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this post, some very good points made.
Dear Sherri, I think I saw the same one! I keep hearing about Living in the Moment and also having experiences. I guess homelessness is an experience! Everything catches up eventually. Thanks so much, love Annabel.xxx
DeleteAnnabel a great post.
ReplyDeleteMy opposition comes mostly from my siblings. Why would I want to make my own bread, noodles, ravioli, when I can buy these from the supermarket? Why would I be such a cheapskate and make everyone gifts, rather than purchasing them? Why do I need so much in my pantry and freezer when the shops are just around the corner?
When the children were young they knew that we lived too far out of town for them to go to parties and things and expect me to drop them off and pick them up. Both don't talk of missing out in the childhood. Both love to go out for picnics rather than to a venue.
It is so hard saying no and feeling like this is all you say all the time. However it is a word many children do not know or understand. It is a word that needs understanding so that resiliency can develop. It is also necessary for those working towards financial independence.
I'm off to make something else for the gift cupboard.
Life is good.
Thank you, Jane. I appreciate your perspective. I really appreciate your input.
DeleteCristy
The problem is Annabel that we all need credit to buy or rent a home so we're never going to be without it - When I was a single Mum, my children were teens and whenever I heard 'can I borrow' the answer always was 'yes but you must pay back - if you don't pay back, then don't ask to borrow again - they soon learnt that they needed to earn some money to 'borrow' so they could pay back - My eldest son worked in the local fish and chip shop part time from when he was 14 till he was 21 (he did a full time job and still worked at the chippy part time by then) my second son went labouring for a local decorator from when he was 14 on weekends and my Daughter worked at the local chippy with her brother from when she was 13. It didn't do any of them any harm and they will all tell you today that it taught them well about earning there own money and 'managing' debt - my eldest son once borrowed the mortgage money from me to get a little car - he had 3 weeks to pay back before the mortgage payment went out of my account and he did it, every penny was paid back and the mortgage was paid - he's never forgot that. Now they're all grown, they all own their own homes and cars and none of them are in debt - it was a tough lesson for them to learn - we all have to work to manage the 'debt' that we have to have in our lives - but it did them no harm and has helped them - this is where a lot of parents go wrong nowadays by trying to give their children every thing on a plate and not teaching them that it all has to be worked for - until we start to teach children properly then the credit crisis will never be resolved Sandra xx
ReplyDeleteTeaching our children to manage their debt. Thank you, Sandra.
DeleteSo much to think about from this great post.
--Cristy
Dear Annabel,everyone's goodies shown above are lovely, Chloe's lemon butter and cleaning vinegar and her lovely setting for a cuppa with a visiting friend ,very pretty.
ReplyDeleteRachel's cheery citrus jam and birdsnest -that is a good thick one.. And Jane's ravioli looks perfect. Well done Bluebirds!
When our three children were growing up I bought lots of small gifts throughout the year in the sales to go in my gift box , plus small cards and paper on special.Then if they had an unexpected birthday party I let the child attending pick out something to take . They loved that and we got a lot of feedback on how much their gifts were loved.At times I felt a bit awful not bowing to gift expectation of the time but I was brought up
to be different by mum ,her money was acccounted for to every cent . Im grateful for that now.Another gift well liked , are small cactus plants (which can be grown in advance if oen has time )in a small clay pot , and material wrapped around the top edge and finished in a bow.Any remnants of material can be used ,long strips double width of the pot rim and length just a bit longer than the the pots circumference, then fold outside edges into middle and then fold again in half and glue together with a glue gun or other material glue.Another length of material , enough to fold into a bow and glued onto the joined edge.
Sorry that's the best way I can describe that.That would be an under $10 gift now Im thinking.But depends if you already have plants and material and gluegun is helpful. Also how many times you might make this gift .
Good to hear you unpacking is nearly done Annabel. Love Maria xxx
I have used the gift box idea some years, but have kind of gotten away from it. I need to get back to it.
DeleteDear Annabel,
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful post. I agree, it is hard to say "no" to kids...and is also hard when you, as the parent, thinks of all the activities, etc., available out there and are unable to get the kids to all of them...you keep wondering, "Am I doing the right thing?". I am a firm believer in limiting activities to keep family time and calmness in balance, as well as keeping the budget intact, but do often go through a bout of second-guessing myself and wondering if we've made the kids miss out on too much. But, life is long, we can't do everything, even if we had all the money in the world!!! We also live out of town, so have to balance out not only the money cost of activities, but also the time and driving costs. We have spent this summer doing far more than we normally do...most of them, thankfully, as family activities and low cost or free...but it does feel more like a whirlwind than it does having "enriched" our summer!!! Even the kids agree with that.
I agree, it is hardest to say no to family members!! We currently live quite far away from both sides of the family, so we don't get as much of it as we used to...just bits of semi-guilt-trips occasionally over the phone about the kids and what they aren't involved in, etc....but that's easier to take than constant pressures to do this or that with family that costs money. And we definitely have a "social director" or two in our family!!! I nodded my head with that one.
It is nice to hear positive reinforcement from the angle you presented!!
xx Jen in NS
Dear Jen,
DeleteI was nodding my head in agreement to everything you said. I believe in limiting activities too, and in family time, calmness and balance. Plus the budget simply can't afford all that stuff. But I second guess myself all the time. We, too, live out from town, so every event takes an age to get to. We always have to figure in driving distance and time to every activity.
For example, we have decided as a famiy that organizes sports are not in the budget and they take too much time away from home. (We were not able to eat together as a family more than one time per week when we participated.) I get LOADS of flack about this from many people, both within and outside the family.
Thank you for your words. I really appreciate this supportive and helpful community.
--Cristy
Dear Annabel and Beautiful Bluebirds!!
ReplyDeleteI was trying to figure out who the top picture belonged to, without reading the caption! I finally decided it was very much Annabel style, so it is very heartwarming to find that it is Chloe's beautiful work!! The blue of the jug complements the cheerful lemons so well!! This and the tea set, with baking, are very welcoming for your gatherings, Chloe!!
Annabel, your words between the two citrus pictures are very profound! Isaiah 59:15 says, "Truth is lacking, and he who departs from evil makes himself a prey."
I can say that the most humiliating treatment I have experienced has been related to major good things in my life!! Ha ha!! It has given me the freedom to live my own life!!
Churchill said something to the effect of, "You've got enemies? Good - you must have done something right!"
My husband has a quote - "If someone asks a question, they should be prepared for either answer." So, if someone sends an invitation, they ought not be offended if it is politely declined! Further, just because someone asks you a question does not mean that you have to answer it! As for people, they are really not that interested in what car we drive, or what style of clothes we wear, just so long as they are satisfied with their own situation!
Mum used to say that one season in life prepares us for the next. In learning to decide between the little things, we are preparing to choose our path for the bigger challenges -- the ones where we have to hang on by the skin of our teeth!!
Yes, your writing is profound, Annabel!
With warm regards to all,
Rachel Holt
Rachel,
DeleteYour mum is so right it is true one season in life prepares us for another and we either learn from them or don't, but if we choose to learn from them we can enrich ourselves later.
XOXO
Vicky
Thank you for your words, Rachel.
DeleteI can really relate to this as we're raising three young boys in such a me centered culture! We have sort of by family personality/by strong choice created a very low expectation for fun and excitement in our home. We jokingly say our children think a run to the grocery store (especially the big discount one)is super exciting. However they are getting older (9 and 7) we are learning more ways to keep life simple and fun. If you are raising a family or just enjoy keeping a home Sally Clarkson has a lot to say about this. It's all about establishing your family culture. Once you know your limitations and preferences it's not that you never step out and do something different (for us that would be a trip to a place like Monkey Joe's, a kids fun house) but that it's the exception not the norm. Unfortunately from what I've observed here in the States from the time children are little they're literally entertained to death to the point that a simple nature walk or family picnic is just too boring! I think after a time of quietly and kindly doing what you find works for you you do earn a certain amount of respect from others. Our oldest son is quite big for his age and people have seriously questioned why he doesn't play a sport such as football. It's almost as if they can't imagine a child who would rather be with their family and play at home. I am not opposed to a sport team or anything like that it's this focus that you HAVE to do it or your child won't be well rounded. It's so backwards! Earlier in our marriage we experienced serious financial difficulty and acquired some debt. Although we still stand by our choice for me to be an at home wife and mother it has definitely shown us that our modern world is set up for 2 income families. It's been a long learning process and we're still learning! I guess my encouragement is to know what is important to you and your family and to stick by it! Whether they acknowledge it or not most families are longing for simplicity and simply don't know how to go back! The expectations for outings, shopping, entertainment, food, sporting events are already so high. It's really quite sad and I didn't even think about mentioning technology! As a relatively young woman I still have inner struggles with longing to conform but I thank God for the ability to see it is rarely the right thing to do! Because of how I felt this summer with my pregnancy I had to let canning go. Everyone's creations look so lovely! I look forward to next summer! Blessings on everyone this week! Jesse
ReplyDeleteJesse,
DeleteThank you so much for your perspective. I'm definitely going to look up Sally Clarkson. Establishing our family culture. I like this thought a lot, but have never heard of it.
It's been a long learning process for our family, too. Over the years of our marriage, we have had to learn so many different lessons. I can look back over the 16 years and see how great the lessons were. At the time, many of them seemed daunting, but they each trained us in new things. All the lessons have been positive in retrospect.
I may sit down and write out what is important to my family. I think writing it out helps me internalize these things. And then I have something to go back to when others question my choices.
I agree that quietly and kindly doing what works for us has worked in some other areas. I never thought of applying it here. (Maybe I don't feel as confident of my position in this one as I did in the other things?)
Thank you so much,
Cristy
Annabel, This was a really good post as it coincides with some things that have happened in our lives this past month. We were out of town for a funeral and had some major car trouble. Very costly. Anyway we got back home and had a friend want to go to breakfast at a restaurant near us, well I got to looking at their menu and when all was said and done it would have cost us $50 for the two of us. I offered to do breakfast or brunch at my home instead. Needless to say it did not happen. But I felt true to myself for saying no because that was ridiculously expensive. I guess some people don't understand what it means to live on a fixed income.
ReplyDeleteAs for gifting most of the time I will fix up a basket with canning items I have done. I also have crochet items that I gift. I am planning on sewing a few things for Christmas this year, table runners and quilts are on my list. I have many craft items that I can make up too.
I really enjoyed your post today.
I am sorry your friend wasn't willing to go to your home for breakfast or brunch. I tend to think that home meals are so much more fun and cozy.
DeleteAnnabel, and all,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this wonderful post and all the wonderful comments. I am really grateful for all of your input, and I will be pondering this over the next few weeks.
I will continue to pray about what is best for our family. For now, I feel satisfied that I don't have to give in to all the demands. I can continue to follow the path that seems to be the direction God is leading our family right now, even when it doesn't fit with the way others handle their own family situations.
Much love and gratitude,
Cristy
Dear Cristy, We all go through this to some degree. Of course there are many variations and types of families etc. But you are the Mum and you know your budget and goals. Glenda said a while back that people who love their families care greatly about their financial security. I think that is true. When pleasing others threatens this then it is not worth it.
DeleteIt is really interesting to read what others experience in this area. I still am often amazed how bossy people can be to us, as adults! You are doing a good job, a wonderful job actually! With love Annabel.xxx
Thank you, Annabel, for saying I am doing a good job. I need to hear that.
DeleteCristy
Great post, Annabel! This is an area God has really been speaking to me in lately - I don't have to (and shouldn't) say yes to everything! It's not worth the stress and exhaustion it causes our family! Laine's "My Top Five Priorities" post really helped me in this area. When I have a clear vision of what my top priorities are and what our family budget goals are, it makes saying no so much easier. It might be hard in the moment, but it's worth the sacrifice to get us where we've already decided we want to go. Not everyone will understand, but my husband and I are the only ones that need to understand!
ReplyDeleteWith the upcoming holidays, I've decided it's not my responsibility to overspend and buy everyone elaborate gifts. A gift is a gift and it should be from the heart, within our spending limits. How many people still remember what I bought them last year? Probably not many of them, yet I way overextended myself and went over budget to get them. Not worth it!
My children are still small, so I haven't had to tell them no too much, but my 7 year old is already getting into expensive electronics. He's very wise beyond his years, so even at 7, we're trying to teach him some valuable lessons! I've told him if he can earn money to pay half, we will save to pay the other half. He needs to learn from a young age that you have to work and save and it takes time. We can't just rush out to the store and buy whatever we want in the moment. This has been a great lesson for him! He's saving for a computer right now and there's so many things he's wanted along the way that he's had to learn to hold off on buying while he's saving for what he really wants! I figure if this is really worth it to him and really something he's into, I don't mind saving for half. If he gets distracted along the way or decides to spend his money on something else, then it wasn't very important to him and I won't be upset that I spent my hard-earned money on it!
Extra curricular activities are where it's really hard to learn to say no. For some reason, parents feel so much pressure to have their children involved in so many activities! I'm guilty of this as well, but with my husband and I both working outside of the home, we just don't have time to do it all. By the time we get home and get homework and dinner done, we're exhausted during the week. We're on a break from activities right now, and it's been so nice! I'm thinking we will be much more selective in this area in the coming years. They're just too hard on our bank account and too hard on our time account.
I so appreciate the wisdom I'm learning in these posts. They help me in so many different areas, and I'm so happy to be learning these things while my children are young, so we can incorporate this lifestyle into their lives from a young age. I'm praying for my boys' future wives already, that they may be Proverbs 31 women and will have been brought up with these skills from a young age. It makes for a much, much more peaceful life!
Ps - I loved seeing the beautiful pictures of your new floors, Annabel! Your home is beautiful and looks so peaceful. The natural light your big windows lets in is so nice!
Dear Tarin,
DeleteKnowing your top priorities is a big help. That creates a lot of peace. I really agree with how you are training your son as well!
The extra curricular things... yes this is both time and money. There is just not enough hours in the day to work, cook, drive everyone around, homework and so on and it becomes awful as it is too frantic. Also kids get over tired! By the end of term I always found everyone was very tired. So you are wise to limit these to something reasonable. Mostly we allowed one thing per child per weeknight. It was enough!
Keep reading Laines Letters. As you come to each stage you will find help. I am still finding this!
Thank you re the floors! I am getting there now with things put away etc. I have kitchen counter tops to stain, they are wooden and I am giving them a white wash kind of finish to go better with the floors. Im getting there! Thank you so much. You are doing a good job! With love Annabel.xxx
I have got to find the Top 5 Priorities post and then write out the priorities for my family.
DeleteI am so happy you decided that it is not your responsibility to overspend for Christmas. Christmas doesn't have to be a back breaking and budget breaking ordeal. It can be a time to enjoy people.
We decided that for our family the kids can have one extracurricular per child and we eliminated sports from our choices because they took so much of our time. Some people find sports to be extremely important, but for our family (and it really is a personal decision), we decided that being able to eat meals together as a family was more important. We also didn't like being committed to the sport 6 days a week for each kid. These were our reasons, but as a side note we found that we saved a lot of money. The kids are each involved in band now. It works better for our family.
This is a timely post for me. I was just having a conversation about birthdays. It seems that celebrating a birthday with cake at home is a thing of the past. Growing up dinner or just cake at a persons home is how we celebrated most big events. We often receive invitations to go out for dinner to celebrate someones birthday. We love the ideas of celebrating this person, but going for a dinner is a budget buster for us. Our solution is to say no we aren't able and then invite the dinner group back to our place later for cake. We've only had a couple take us up on the offer. I feel that by doing this we at least convey that we do want to celebrate with them.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem that many people don't celebrate birthdays at home any more. We made a rule early that the kids could have birthday parties every year and invite whomever they wished... as long as the parties were at our home. Their friends are all used to it now and none of the kids seem to mind the simpler parties.
DeleteWhat a nice touch to offer to have the group come by for cake. I like that idea.
Dear Annabel,
ReplyDeleteThis is such a wonderful and rich post. I've read it several times.
It's very sad that we live in a world where instant gratification is the rule, rather than the exception. I certainly can relate to many of the comments of the Bluebirds.
I agree that it can sometimes be hard to say no. However, we've come to look on the word "no" as a positive with many rewards, such as paying off debt, deferred gratification by saving for big ticket items and not incurring more debt, time management, doing things that we want to do rather than living up to someone else's expectation,and so much more. Blessings, Cookie
What a wonderful attitude, Cookie! Thank you for your view that saying no is actually positive in so many ways. I love that!
DeleteDear Annabel,
ReplyDeleteThis is very good advice and a pertinent post. It seems people want to live on money they don't have (credit cards and borrowing) without thinking about the future consequences or considering whose money they are really using. People in debt, who fail to pay, are stealing from someone else. Many folks don't really think about that aspect of things when they spend, spend, spend, then can't pay bills or support their families.
I enjoy reading Amish Proverbs and a couple from a book by Suzanne Woods Fisher, seemed to go along with this post.
"A man (or woman) is rich in proportion to the things he/she can afford to leave alone."
"An industrious wife is the best savings account."
Have a wonderful day.
Love and hugs,
Glenda
I called my husband to tell him that the best savings account was an industrious wife! We had a good laugh about that. :) That quote made my day.
DeleteNo kids, so no advice there. I can tell you about a memory, though. I was about 13 and my school friend asked me to spend the night. I knew that her father was disabled and her mom worked as a housekeeper so I wasn't expecting the Taj Mahal. The house was tiny, but about the coziest home I ever visited (aside from my Grandma's, of course!). I can't recall details, but 2. The first was that it was tidy. The second was that it was the most comfortable and snuggly bed I ever slept in!! I wish I had asked her mom what she did, but I will never forget how soft the sheets felt when I slid my feet in. I figure that when you can leave a lifetime impression on a 13 yr. old about a home that doesn't involve expense, you've done something right.
ReplyDeleteAs for peer pressure, it doesn't much bother me. I figure that if my lifestyle is a burden to another person, they should probably look for someone else to hang with lol. I'm not about to play the Jones game. If you want to shop for entertainment, I'm out. But if you want to refinish your dresser and want help, I'm the one to call!! I'm much more up for a painting party than a cocktail party!!
Dear Debby, I too am more into a painting party or a craft party than any other kind! It is funny what you say because I also can remember how it felt to get into bed at Nan's house. The bed felt so clean and crisp and the sheets were tucked in so firmly you could barely turn over! I loved it! And still remember so much later...
DeleteThanks so much Debby, with love Annabel.xxx
Debby, it sounds like your friend's home was very welcoming. That is more important to me than how big the house, how fancy the car, etc. Though I must say, I know some people who have the other standards. My preference is to feel comfortable and welcome in the home.
DeleteVery wise words from you. Annabel, and the bluebirds! The peace I mentioned (that you graciously quoted) is bought at the price of following our own goals, no matter what the world says. That's why this site is such a treasure- wonderful like-minded Spirit-filled women who are encouraging.
ReplyDeleteYour comment just came at the right moment and I thought yes this is so true! Thank you Megs! xxx
DeletePeace is bought at the price of following our own goals, no matter what the world says. I love that! Thanks!
DeleteI have often had to say no and I don't like to argue about much so I always just no, but thank you so much for thinking of us. I have not attended things like bridal or baby showers where the brides registry is really expensive stuff or baby showers where your supposed to bring a gift plus a pack of diapers and something else and your told not very politely what not to give as a gift. I actually got an invite that said the mother doesn't want any homemade items store bought gifts only with a list of stores you could shop at. I refuse to just be a body at a party so someone gets another gift.
ReplyDeleteAs far as my sons we would save cans and some scrap metal and the money from that was used for something special. They asked other people to save cans for them and they did pretty good. After the boys got bigger I continued to do it because it could help even if it was just a little towards debt, gas in the car or a few extra groceries.
XOXO
Vicky
Dear Vicky, I feel the same! Some of these things I think are so rude! When there is a list of demands attached Im out! I think as we get older we find it easier to just say thanks but not thanks! I had much more trouble with it when young and the kids were small. And I am learning still! I could tell some funny stories of things I should have got out of but didnt! Many thanks! With love Annabel.xxx
DeleteAnnabel,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I have been praying for your family. I do hope everyone is on the mend and and precious little Scarlet
did not get the bug. Your home just looks so lovely the floors will be perfect for Scarlet when she starts crawling.
This post was great! I was a single Mom a lot of Kristi's life. She has good memories of when it was just her and I.
I did not have financial help and that is fine.It taught me to be very creative. When she was in grade school I had a child care so I could stay home. This was important to me we are all diffrent and everyones choice will be diffrent. We were the house that always had all the children. One because I did daycare and the other they knew they were welcome. Even if I had a tiny house at the time it was full. The furnishing were not fancy. I love decor and lovely things but that was not the focus. We had a large yard. A trampoline and lots games books and creativity.The children learned to cook simple meals. How to sort laundry. One boy actually taught his college roomates many years later how to do laundry after one put everything together and it turned pink. We did many crafts and went on walks and learned how to take care of pets. One young girls teacher told her mother that she could not learn to read. Kristi said that is silly and taught her to read at our kitchen table. Kristi was a Brownie(young Girl Scout) in Awana's(church club)at this point in time. We did not have cable I did not have time. People would ask what do you do without TV. The children would say we play, we cook,we read we pet the cats. We water the garden. We run in the sprinkler, etc. I learned early on to say no. No is a powerful word and not always easy. It does bring so much peace.Annabel I love your answear! Let me check my calendar brilliant! I also cleaned houses with all the day care kids in tow. It started out as me saying jokenly I will have to bring the day care kids if I take you as a client. That senior woman did not want me to bring the children but we became a hot commodity. The other seniors adored our monthly visits. They would read to the children or play cards or dominoes with them as I did the things they were no longer able to do. Like vacume or wash windows etc. we then had a waiting list. They would get books from the library or tell the children stories. It was good for all. I checked with the parents of the chilren I cared for and they loved the idea. It was quite hart warming to see these seniors light up when the children arrived. We lived in a tiny village so everyone knew everyone. I think their are so many pressures in society today and it is OK to think out of the box and be a bit different. I think balance is different for everyone and God will provide wisdom for all. Sometimes I still forget to ask.
And I too have many funny stories about weddings and showers. I used to give a gift like Laines for wedding showers. A big laundry basket with with light bulbs ,cleaning supplies,toilet paper hand written recipes on cards etc. I got it with coupons for very cheep (almost free) I never bought off of the registry or gave gift cards. A young woman come to me because she had been looking forward to her basket of things to start her home and I got one of those specific invites detailing what to and what not to bring. She told me she really wanted one of my special baskets that she had been waiting years to get one and hoped I would not follow the instructions on the invite. Life is great and sometimes a little funny.
Much love,
Patti
Dear Patti, This was a joy to read! I remember Laine and the weeding gift. She said Art was so embarrassed but the bride loved it! haha!
DeleteYou did very well! When we need to be creative it is a good thing! And the things you taught those children are just wonderful! They would still be benefitting from the work you put into them, that is just fabulous. It is funny how these small things will stick and be remembered years later. Well done Patti! Thank you for sharing this! With love Annabel.xxx
Dear Patti, I love this! I love all of it. I love the stories of the fun your family had without a lot of money and without cable TV. I love that the kids came to your house to play because they felt welcome. I love that you taught them practical things when they were there sometimes. I know all those kids carry those special memories with them even today and they respect and appreciate you and what you did for them.
DeleteIt's just wonderful!
--Cristy
Thank you all for such great comments and help to Cristy and others as we all go through this. My aim is to reply to everyone but I am out of time just now and hope to get back! xxx
ReplyDeleteDear Annabel,
ReplyDeleteI really love this post! I think you are right, we need to keep our goals in front of us and remind ourselves WHY we say no sometimes. I love what you said, decide who you are serving and who you want to please. I really do not like to upset or offend people, but sometimes it must be done. If the person pressuring you really has your best interest at heart, they should be able to understand when you have to say no to things. But you are right, no matter what you do, there will be someone who doesn't like it, especially if you are doing the right thing.
I can come at this topic from another perspective, too. I had a good home growing up but I was spoiled. I got what I wanted 90% of the time. But once I left home, reality hit and I found out that you DON'T get what you want 90% of the time! Shocker lol! It was a tough lesson that I had to learn the hard way. I know it will be hard to say no when John actually gets older and different things come up, but I feel like he will be better prepared for adulthood and the real world if he learns to accept "no" right from the start. I know it would've helped me.
I want John to appreciate the small things. I want him to have pleasure in spending time with family, going for walks and exploring the outdoors, having picnics, playing games, reading books, and building blanket forts. Just enjoying life without being so glued to the latest gadget that he can't hold a conversation. Or so overloaded with toys that he doesn't even know what he has. Or so busy with outside activities when all he really wants is mom and dad's attention. I see so many unhappy and unpleasant kids with parents to match and it is very sad. Instant gratification takes the place of what's really important and the whole family ends up suffering for it. I'm not against toys and activities and saying "yes" sometimes, but society bombards us with so much STUFF, and it's usually not in our best interest! Saying no, however difficult at the time, is often an act of love.
Thank you for including such lovely pictures from everyone, Annabel. There truly is so much beauty in the simple things. And I absolutely LOVE Chloe's table! I am glad your family is on the mend and hope all the Bluebirds are doing well.
With lots of love, Kelsey
Kelsey, I am sure that you will incorporate all these fun and simple things into John's life as he grows. As you incorporate them, he will grow to love them. I know my kids enjoy nature studies and nature walks immensely.
DeleteI heard someone say when my oldest was about your age: "We are trying to raise human BEINGS, not human DOINGS. Be sure you give your children some space to just BE." That word has always stuck with me. And I try to incorporate some boundaries into our lives: boundaries on time as well as money. God bless you, Kelsey.
--Cristy