The little birds...

If you watch little birds you will see they are busy and happy! Using whatever they can find they create the most gorgeous little nest.
I would be the little bird with some glittery thread in her nest!
We can be like this. Happily working away with the things that are available to us to create a beautiful and happy home.
All the while with a little song in our heart.

Banner by Free Pretty Things for You.

Tuesday 9 January 2018

The World within our Walls. The art of saying no.

There are just so many aspects of creating a home in a way that is a safe haven, a place you truly feel relaxed and free to just be yourself.   We are aiming for a home that will build you up (and everyone who lives here) and that restores and reassures.

One huge factor is time. Time to enjoy, get things done, make good meals, sit at the table and eat together, craft... everything we do in  our lives and homes takes time. Without enough of it we are soon in chaos, mess and there is no peace or enjoyment.  Life in a hurry is just stressful.  It wears out down. We cannot think straight!  These things are a terrible stress on anyone and especially little children.





The photos in this post are from Chloe! 
After the last post she sent me pictures and said Mum, I have been putting words that inspire me where I can see them everyday!  
She printed all of these for free or a couple of dollars and got frames from the bargain store. 
So we were thinking the same thing, how to make the home an encouraging place!


We all want to be polite, helpful to others, a good listener, generous.  We don't want to offend...
This all can lead us to saying yes to so many things that we back ourselves into a really hideous corner and we don't know quite how it happened but we know it is awful and the house and family are suffering because we are truly hopeless at saying no.

There have been times I remember regretting saying yes before I even finished saying it.  Other times where I have thought up wild and elaborate scenarios that could possibly get me out of something I really, really don't want to do but of course this is all imaginary and overly hopeful and I just did them anyway.



A while back I wrote a post on when the girls were little and how I really had to learn to say no and how realising what my mission was really helped me to do that.  That post is here... Your time.

Laine also wrote a new year letter on the subject which I love and you can find that here..  She puts it that the Proverbs woman considered a field.  In a similar way we are considering a field of time!

Over the years I have found I struck gold when I stopped replying to any request or invitation.  This is the key!  My standard response is to say thank you so much!  Thank you for thinking of me!  I will think this over and talk to Andy about it.  Or "I will check my diary and get back to you".
This is perfectly reasonable and polite.
It gives you time to actually think!  Now I can consider how the request is going to impact the household.   This has saved me from so many disasters!


If you turn to jelly under pressure practice what to say!  At one stage I have my reply printed and posted near the phone... this was how bad I was at saying no!  I would look at my sign and repeat the script "thank you for asking,  I will have to look at my diary and I will get back to you as soon as I can..."

My improvement these days comes from not feeling I need to explain myself .  If I have decided I need to decline something I used to feel it necessary to come up with a long and interesting story about why I had to say no.
Now I don't think this is the way to go and I am more likely to say I am unable to attend or that I just do not have the time to do something.  Sometimes I might offer an alternative for example.. if I want to contribute to something then I will come up with something that I can do to help that is manageable instead.

In the evenings Andy and I will talk about some of these things and usually he is on the same page.  Sometimes we have had a laugh at how badly we both DON'T want to do the same thing.  Many times this will involve a party.  Andy would rather dental surgery than go to a party.
Should we ever actually go to a party it is not without an escape plan.



In general the peace in our home is mainly ruined by me taking on too much.  It is a hard balance to get right but without fail if I am out too much things go down hill and fast.  So I need to be careful and some of the times I need to say no are to myself. Often when planning my week I can see I have planned too much and that I need to reduce my list.  So this is a" no" to some of my own plans.

While we are thinking of things that are going to interrupt the peace at home there are many times we need to say no to requests that are going to ruin the budget.  Being able to say no here is equally important.   Most people are not going to care less if their request is something you can afford or if it will mean you have no time to sit down to dinner with your family, read a story to your child or get the lunches made and packed.   It is our job to protect the things that are important and know our priorities.  Then it is a little easier to say no.



This is a big subject!   "She looks well to the ways of her household"  includes so many things!  Caring for your family and household are huge responsibilities!   Learning to prioritise and being able to say no when needed is really important.  

I had a request the other day.  In my mind I was thinking "THERE IS JUST NO WAY..."  and I said "thank you for asking!  I am going to get back to you on this after I tell Andy about it"  and I made my escape!

Now there are times of crisis that are exceptions and we have to say yes in order to help, save the day and rescue someone.  We are not talking about those.  In general it is just up to us to be guardians of the household,  the budget and our own time.   It is ok to say no.

Now and then you get someone who won't take no for an answer!  They want to argue with you!  Or they don't seem to comprehend!  I think what part of no is hard to understand!? haha!  They might even tell you that you can't say no,  there is bullying and persuasion!  This has happened to us all.  I have a little alarm system that goes off then!   My "no" goes up a notch to the red light no!

You are doing an important job.  Week by week we are building up our homes and feathering our nests.

Do you have trouble with saying no?
Do you feel there is too much on your plate to have a peaceful home?
Next week we are looking at when too much stuff takes over and makes us feel overwhelmed, messy or anxious!

I hope your week is going well!
See you on Friday! xxx










55 comments:

  1. I agree so much. So many times my husband and I both say the say thing "Why did we say yes?"
    It is hard to say no at times, but I am getting better at it. LOL

    Me time is precious, as is home life - and I sure plan to enjoy it for all the years I have left.

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    1. Dear Cheryl, Time is precious and home life. Truly precious. Its a balance isn't it! I agree, enjoy every moment! With love Annabel.xxx

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  2. Dear Annabel, Your post made me smile! I see myself there a lot!

    It made me think of when you offered to do the swap of how you must have been inundated with things to post. I only had yours to send!

    We just sold our travel trailer, I think these are referred to as caravans in the UK not sure in Aus. Anyway it's like moving a whole other household, Yes so much chaos! But I have found things that I am able to use that I had on my shopping list so this worked out for me.

    I have been enjoying these quiet posts!
    Laurie

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    1. Dear Laurie, haha! The swap was a lot but it was fun and I think I might do it once or twice a year.
      We say caravan too. Yes this would be like a mini household! Thank you so much, I am glad you are enjoying this years posts! With love Annabel.xxx

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  3. Dear Annabel,
    This is a very valuable post. I see so many young folks, these days, going every which direction to keep up with sports, shopping, social gatherings, church functions, etc. Their home takes last place and everyone feels disconnected from one another.
    A serene, peaceful, loving, and lovely environment soothes the soul and shuts out the world. Such an environment takes time, effort, and thought. We must be home to create a safe and comfortable space for our families.
    Time is a precious gift and if we use it wisely, it is accounted for good.
    Thank you for the post.
    Love and hugs,
    Glenda

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    1. Dear Glenda, I see this all the time. People that are too busy to ever eat a meal together... this kind of thing. It is awful. Getting back to basics is what we need. Thank you for your words on this. With love Annabel.xxx

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  4. I love all the sayings. Some of those were on the walls of my Mom's kitchen when I was growing up.

    My husband's brain injury really cannot stand a lot of noise or commotion so it gets us out of so much that we used to have to feel bad saying no to. We are loving the peace and quiet of our home and really do not like a week with a lot of outside obligations such as doctor visits and necessary errands.

    The thing that I deal with as someone trained in kinesiology and being willing to treat friends and family at no charge is that people think I am at their beck and call at all hours of the day and night. I get a call or text every time some people get a stomach ache or cough or cold and they want to come right over. I actually find that many are just dehydrated and need to get some water down. I have had to just start replying that I am not able to see them right now because we just had no peace here. Sometimes I tell them to drink 3 big glasses of water and let me know in the morning if they still need to be seen and I never hear from them. At first I felt really bad but I am getting over it. All of them survived before I was trained and opened my door to them and they will now, too.

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    1. Dear Lana, Its the old "give an inch and they take a mile" thing! You have your priorities right and sounds like you are managing really well with this! With love Annabel.xxx

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  5. Happy Birthday Annabel, wishing you a special day. Love Fi xxx

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  6. Happy Birthday, Annabel. I hope you are being pampered today. :) Kerrie xxx

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  7. Dear Annabel,
    I can think of a few humorous instances of me saying no or trying to say no! I have to practice too unless I am put on the spot. I can think of one time I was put on the spot and I had no idea what excuse to come up with so I just said plain "no". The lady said, "No? You're just going to say no? Just like that?" I said, "Yes, I'm sorry. Just no." Lol.
    People used to ask for my time often before I had John because I must have had nothing at all to do staying home all by myself. I felt like I had to come up with a reason that was good enough for them. Now I wouldn't even feel bad because saying yes to something is just not an option at this season in my life!
    I know more and more I will have to put my foot down. I have been getting parenting advice since pregnancy and it sure hasn't stopped! Usually I am just quiet and smile about things and then go my own way. I told my midwife about a few things when I first had John and she said, "Kelsey, YOU are the mom. YOU have the say when it comes to your baby. Don't let anyone bully you!" So this is the same for our homes and our families! I agree, it is hard because we want to be helpful and polite and not offensive, but our families and our homes come first. Thank you for these lovely posts.
    Love, Kelsey

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    1. Dear Kelsey,
      haha! I love that just no. lol Nice work.
      People are so nosy when you have a baby, even when your pregnant and they have an opinion on everything! When the girls were little visitors wore me out. That was a real problem for me. You sound like you are doing well with this! Many thanks Kelsey, with love Annabel.xxx

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  8. I discovered years ago that if when I said no, I explained why I couldn't, that there were some people who would tel me why I could get around those reasons and do what they were asking! It made my feel like my reasons were trivial and not valid! So after talking with my sweet hubby, he made up a notecard that I kept next to our phone (back in the corded landline days! Lol!) . It said "you can say no without needing to give an explanation!" That helped so much!!!
    We feel like our home is a safe haven from the outside world! We have a cross stitch that I did years ago that reads," The best thing you can spend on your kids is time!" In these days, it's too easy to get lost in the "thick of thin things"!
    We have a song we sing in our church- "Home can be a Heaven on Earth" and I believe it's possible if we work at it!
    Great post! Thanks for sharing!!

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    1. Dear Gardenpat,
      Oh that is good! I am glad I am not the only one who needed a sign near the phone! And it is true... I also have had times my reason for saying no was pulled out from under my feet and this tactic blew up in my face!
      I listened to Elizabeth Elliot once and she said how hurry hurry hurry is just awful for little children. I have never forgotten it. But it is awful for everyone. Spending time with children is just so important and each other! We treasure this time, it is worth a lot. With love and thanks, Annabel.xxx

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  9. First of all Happy Birthday beautiful lady. I hope you have a day full of love, joy and peace.
    The only people I have difficulty in saying no to, are my family. I am getting better at this.
    I have a board with a saying on it that I love.
    "You create beauty with your attitude, your behaviour and your actions. It's all up to you!"
    Life is good.

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    1. Dear Jane, Thank you! I love the saying! Creating beauty... I like that ! With love Annabel.xxx

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  10. Now that Fiona has outed that it is your birthday I can wish you Happy Birthday here too.

    I hope (and am sure) that you are having a wonderful day.

    As to the 'saying no' aspect. I have always been able to say no, even though sometimes I didn't realise that I should. I spent many years running our school's P&C and before I got involved I explained that I had one solid rule. I was happy to do anything that needed doing as long as it didn't mean that I missed any of my children's things. I was not going to get stuck sizzling sausages at the athletics carnival when my child was running. I would sizzle for the whole rest of the day but not when my child was supposed to have her Mum there, cheering her on. The 'parenting' part of P&C came above the 'citizen' part. People didn't like it....mostly the people who did nothing at all, not parent-y or citizen-y - just lazy.

    Then some years ago I read your 'standard reply' for saying No and thought how it was softer than my "I'm sorry, but I can't do that" and I have used (mostly) your way since. It's clever and effective and gentle....like you are declining the favour they are offering you, rather than declining a request for you to do them a favour. And, most importantly it buys you time to think. It makes you seem like you WANT to be helpful, even when/if you don't.

    Originally, I think you used to say "I will get back to you if I can help/come....". I have passed on this advice to many people who find it hard to say No. It gives them a chance to not have to say no, to not be bullied or persuaded. It buys them time and they don't have to call and say 'no' because they have already said that they would call IF they could help/come. It saves them from the sorts of people who 'won't take no for an answer' because they never actually have to say No. Just 'Thanks for thinking of me. I'll consult my/our diaries and let you know if I can help/come'.

    I have been training my daughters to practice saying this until it rolls naturally off their tongue. Those words are a piece of genius for one's whole life.

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    1. Dear Lorax, Thank you! Well I like your method very much. Many of us just cant face confrontation or pressure. I was thinking about persistent salesmen etc. I am fine with saying no even shutting the door! But some old ladies feel cornered as they are so polite and its taken advantage of, which makes me mad!
      Anyway some of these options could be used for various under pressure moments!
      Its a good thought to teach this to the young ones. It was agonisingly hard to say no when I was younger! Socially traumatic! haha!
      Many thanks for my Birthday wishes! With love Annabel.xxx

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  11. Hello Annabel and beautiful bluebirds :) and what a lovely post and of course if it is your birthday today Annabel I hope you have a beautiful day.

    Yes both DH & I were both known as yes people as we love to do service for people when we have the time. The difficulty there is that everyone asks you to do things all the time.

    Recently we both have been working on this as my husband has severe injuries from a military accident that effects his mobility and recurring Q Fever which pretty much lays him either in his lounge chair or bed for long periods of time.

    One incidence I will mention is when DH was diagnosed with Q Fever an acquaintance invited us to their home and asked us to take over some of her church calling. At this time I was fairly much doing all around the home as DH was shaking with fevers and couldn't do more than a 5 minute job without being tired and sleeping. I was proud of myself as I said "no" straight up and explained that due to DH's illness I did not have the time even though she was persistent and told me many reasons why we should. The look of abject horror on the woman's face when I gave my reply was priceless but it came at a time where I was tired beyond belief and DH was so horribly sick and it was a commitment once a week we simply didn't have time for.

    Sometimes for your own peace of mind, sanity and the ability to get everything done in your home saying "no" is the definite way to go.

    We shall adopt the I will ask husband or wife and get back to you on that, as that is truly a way to think over and give yourself time before you commit to anything.

    Sewingcreations15.

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    1. Dear Sewingcreations, Well done. There is nothing like illness or some kind of crisis to bring out the ability to say no, I just cant. Thank goodness and sometimes the things people ask amaze me and the timing. When the kids were small and I was a single Mum then to me it was obvious if I was out in the evenings who would look after the girls? But I still got constant requests to be on committees etc at night.
      I hope your husbands health is much better now. It sounds like you have been through a lot... with love Annabel.xxx

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  12. I feel the same way about my time! If I never get invited to another party, I would be happy! However, I do value my friendships and try to nurture them, even though it can be draining as an introvert. I will always say yes to parties where someone is asking for my support...birthdays, baby showers, etc. (but not sales parties). But I will sometimes turn down invitations to parties that are just for fun...game nights, girls night out, etc. Or I will only come for a short period of time. I think that it is perfectly fine to turn down invitations, even without giving an excuse, as long as we actually do reply in a timely manner with a concrete yes or no. Saying "maybe" and then not showing up is inconvenient for the host. Anyway, thank you for this post and have a lovely evening :)

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    1. Good points Leigh. I wouldnt say maybe as I think from the point of view of the catering person and the work involved having done these things so many times. We need to do things with manners for sure.xxx

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  13. Annabel,
    This is just great! My home is my haven away from the world. I have learned over the years to just say no, but thank you so much for thinking of me and maybe next time. I will do some things, but I no longer feel obligated to do something every time I'm called and asked and haven't for a long time. Not that I don't like or enjoy people or experiences I am just more selective because I am more at peace making something from junk or picking beautiful tomatoes. I guess what I mean to say is I'm more fulfilled and we each have our own idea of fulfillment.
    XOXO
    Vicky

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    1. Dear Vicky, I think a sense of humour helps which you have! We have had some laughs at some still things people have wanted us to do. You are very kind too but we have to know when to say no or enough!
      With love Annabel.xxx

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  14. Really great post Annabel, I so enjoyed reading it. The atmosphere in a home is made up of so many subtle things. I am only just learning to say no. I often feel a false sense of guilt. I wrote my five top priorities and put them on the fridge so I could look at them while deciding about requests on my time - this helps say no when it doesn't match up with them. Clare

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    1. Dear Clare, Well done. I had to write down what to say and write down my priorities, which I still do mostly. Its a constant thing really too and things come up everyday and we have to balance so much! Thank you for commenting! With love Annabel.xxx

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  15. HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear Annabel, I hope you are enjoying your special day xxx

    This is a great post...I think that saying no should also apply to social media too. I am finding it hard to get things done because of the time spent on social media...it can be addictive, and that doesn't fit into my "simply living" category.

    I decided yesterday after posting a very sad link (letter from a young woman who recently passed away) on my facebook page, that I would cut back on the time I spend on the internet. Don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful resource and I don't know that I could do without it now, but it has a habit of being the thief of time, and should be limited.

    So yesterday afternoon, I pulled out my homemaking folder and started to do go through the list of home duties...What a joy to wake up this morning to a clean, fresh house.

    I rose early today and first up we had friends visit from Ceduna (7am), so after they left and after my daily walk, I set to work; I kneaded my bread dough and put in the car to rise, put a chicken in the crockpot, baked a spinach and ham pie, prepared some chickpea burgers and baked a chocolate slice. Now the bread is in the oven baking and I am sitting down for a cup of tea and a break from being on my feet. I also managed to potter in the garden and picked some zucchinis and tomatoes. I am HAPPY with what I have been able to achieve! Life is quite busy enough without having the internet steal our time...

    I LOVE those signs and quotes, they are so beautiful and true. Having them displayed around the home would be such a gentle reminder throughout the day.

    Much love,

    Tania xoxo



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    1. Tania, I am guilty here. Screen time takes too much of my day. I work from home and I am on the computer for work off and on all day, but the personal blog, Instagram, Facebook etc... reading can swallow too much of my precious time. Definitely an area I need work on! Thanks for the gentle reminder.
      Kath

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    2. Dear Tania,
      It would be easy to spend too much time on social media for sure. Like TV although TV doenst interest me much. I use chat time, social media and blogs etc as rewards. I go like crazy and then when its cup of tea time I get half an hour online... things like this. Late evening I choose online over tv. So I kid of use it to motivate me and a reward. Also consciously as a time saver. I have given up going to the shops and trapsing around looking for something as it never works. Now I google and usually you have found what you want in minutes plus compared best prices. It is saving me so much time and frustration. I now HATE clothes shopping and never go to the mall. Just cant stand it. So I hope online and its done! This is a big help.
      Also I am a person who needs to be outside a fair bit to feel right so that helps! With love Annabel.xxx

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  16. A brilliant post Annabel. Saying no is a skill worth having. For self, and for family. Family always comes first, no matter what in our home. Love, Mimi xxx

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  17. Happy birthday Annabel! 🎂 I hope you've had a wonderful day! I agree 100% with this post! Oh and I love the specie quotes that are framed!
    ❤️ Melody in OR

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  18. Annabel, how true!

    I couldn't begin to count the number of times I've said yes, and regretted having been put in that position (I still struggle to say no, though I am better). At times, I've juggled more than one event on the same day so as not to upset anyone, trouble is it's upset me and made me cranky as I've driven like a madwoman from venue to venue.

    Now that DH is retired it is a whole new ball game! People seem to think both of us sit around waiting for someone to come up with ways to occupy our day. We try and dodge saying yes by saying we're not sure what the other has planned, but we still get caught out - a bit like when a child doesn't get the answer they want, they'll ask the other parent, hoping the parents haven't had a chance to consult each other.

    I need to be stronger. I've always loved being home, and getting things done around our home. I've never been bored.

    This has been a timely post Annabel, as I'm about to "unvolunteer" from a position that was "just to fill in while Mrs X was in hospital". That was 6years ago (sadly, Mrs X passed away while in hospital)so I feel I've done my bit, I just need to work out a way to say I'm tired and I don't want to do the job anymore.

    Thank you Annabel,
    Janine


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    1. Janine I so relate to your post about being retired we have the same thing happen to us.

      People normally start the sentence off with "since your retired you probably will have the time to help with x". Now what they don't realise is that we are very active and are always on the go doing lots of things and despite what society thinks we are busier now we are retired than when we both worked :) .

      Somehow most people think we sit in a rocking chair and look out the window at the world passing us by with nothing to do whatsoever.

      Sewingcreations15.

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    2. Dear Janine,
      Oh I am feeling your pain! When the kids were little and I was home it was assumed I would love someone to come sit at my house all day, people to drop their kids off to be looked after, I had time apparently to fill a lot of gaps for others. To this day no one can comprehend that I have work to do. Like I said in my other post... everyone wants your money and your time. They are both valuable commodities! So it is ok to be very selective what we do with them as they are both very finite!
      Yes be strong. If people are taking your time away from you definitely re work things somehow. One thing I find is if people come here they tend to stay forever... so I will meet a friend for coffee or go to the craft shop together or something... which is basically a version of the escape plan. haha! We have had this with dinner guests too, dinner was one thing but its 11.30 and no end in sight. So I gave up on this too.... now we might suggest a beach picnic and we are able to just come home when we want. So good luck and stick with it as your time is precious! With love Annabel.xxx

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    3. Dear Annabel and janine,
      I just remembered a funny storey from when I was a young bride. People would come and stay and stay and would not leave even if I asked. I had a small baby and was sleep diprived. Well out of desperation was born "Operation Wood Stove". I started adding wood to the fire until it was probably over 90 degrees. To my surprise all those people left and any time after that when people out stayed there welcome I would add a little more wood to the fire. I had not learned how to make people leave yet.
      Much Love,
      Patti from San Diego

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  19. You have made a wonderful thoughtful start to 2018 Annabel, I love those sayings too. I am seriously considering becoming full time home maker. I take a lot of time each day going through it and trying to decide whether to or not. The temptation to create just about everything I need whether it be something to wear or eat is really calling to me. Reading all your posts just encourages me. I do hope Andy and the girls have spoiled you today. I was only able to drop in this morning to wish Happy Birthday and leave, I didn't even have time to read the whole post, but it was waiting for me to come back to now. Enjoy your day. Fi xx

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    1. Dear Fiona,
      I think this would be wonderful for you Fiona. I know with things coming up in your life and family that you will be very busy, on many fronts. I don't think you will have a spare minute. And there is something else, being available. I cant count the number of times I have been glad that I can just drop everything to be there and help with sick Grandkids etc and sometimes I just have no idea how things would be if Mum and I were not around to do all the things we do. It is just enormous. Not to mention the money that can be saved on the sidelines. Your love of the garden, cooking, sewing, chickens... children! Life is full and rich! With lots of love, Annabel.xxx

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  20. Many happies Annabel, I know that you are having a lovely, wonderful day. lots of love Lorraine xxx

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  21. Annabel, It is always such a pleasure to read your posts. :) You are absolutely correct in this area. My hubby and I recently celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary, and this was somthing that I needed to learn early in our marriage...especially if I wanted our marriage to last!
    I felt as if I just "couldn't" say no. How wrong I was! We homeschooled our children, had many animals (horses, cattle, goats, chickens, and rabbits) and not a lot of free time. Yet somehow we were on the go all the time! This needed to change and it was a hard lesson for me. :)
    I would very much encourage young wives to listen, and learn, this is so vitally important to having a happy home (((hugs)))
    Kath

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    1. Dear Kath, Thank you! Really we underestimate the power of just being home and how much work there is to do. Things fall apart pretty fast in our absence. When I get too busy this happens and I lose all my joy really, everything becomes flustered and difficult. Not good. It is hard to learn and it still happens to me sometimes! Many thanks! With love Annabel.xxx

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  22. Happy, Happy Birthday! Many blessings to you in the coming year!

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  23. Happy birthday Annabel! I hope you've had a lovely day :)

    Jen in NZ

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  24. I have a magnet on my fridge from my son-in-law given to me 10 years ago when he first married my daughter. It says,"Stop me before I volunteer again". Do you think he was sending me a message?

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    1. Possibly! haha! That is funny!

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    2. Happy belated Birthday! Lovely Annabel. I hope it was amazing. My google just for kids account isn't working to post. So my comments end up in Neverland. What a beautiful post love the words Chloe has posted, so encouraging. Thank you for all the wonderful posts.
      Much love,
      Patti from San Diego

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  25. Happy Birthday Beautiful Annabel. Praying that it is filled laughter, love and many family members. That God would give you the desires of your heart today. Lovely post Annabel. Saying no is a very good skill to have. I love that you used to have your speech written down. I used to stand in front of the mirror and practice saying no. My pastors wife taught a study on boundaries and one of the parts was how to say no. I do believe that the women in our church got so good at saying no that sometimes I think she wished she had not been so successful.
    No used to be hard for me. I usually say thank you for considering me,No. One lady was really bad about asking me to bring something to bible study about two hours before it started. We only had one car and I did not have it. I would tell her I had x,y and z I could bring but not k. I told her that I shopped on Saturday. She ask about every week for a couple of months. Then she finally got it. I loved to bring things to bible study. I am a planner and like to cooked ahead. She was just a last minute person and that was why she kept asking. I suggested she put out a sign up sheet the week before. We are all so different it makes life fun.
    Much love,
    Patti

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    1. Dear Patti, Boundaries is actually a really good way of putting it! We need boundaries!
      I am a planner too and I like knowing what I am doing ahead. This is naturally me also! Last minute things for me are a curve ball! Thank you for my birthday wishes. I have taken so long to get to my replies sorry! With much love Annabel.xxx

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  26. Happy Birthday Annabel. I too have always had a problem with saying no, but last year I had finally had enough. I cancelled all my volunteer work so I could just stay home and do home things. My friends think I have lost my mind, but on the other hand, I am happy. I like to stay home, and it's past time for others to pick up the torch and volunteer. Since I am retired people thought I lived to do their bidding and have been shocked when asked to do something, I don't feel the least bad saying no, no excuses, no maybe's, just no, thank you for asking. It is so freeing to just do what I want and need to do.

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    1. Dear Kat, Thank you! Sorry for a slow reply I am catching up! I love to stay home too. It gives me peace and I get more done. So I totally understand! With love Annabel.xxx

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  27. Sometimes there is a benefit to having a chronic illness. I don't feel I have to explain anything when I turn down an invitation for any reason out of the house. Everyone who knows me understands I deal with fatigue, especially in the late afternoons and evenings. It has taught me to think through carefully when I say yes to an outside event.

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  28. Thank you for all the beautiful Birthday wishes! I had a wonderful day! xxx

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  29. Glad to hear you had a great birthday. Just wanted to add my love to the mix. I enjoyed my birthday, too! My family was very generous. I had a lovely cheesecake to enjoy.

    Can't tell you how this subject is near and dear to my heart. I have learned to say "no" very firmly so that I may say,"yes" to what God has placed on my heart. I had to laugh at what many of the retired ladies shared.
    I hope many of you can see that your careful consideration of a request is an example to others. I lost a dear friendship because my friend was too bogged down with commitments to spend time with me. Also I have only one brother and we have a good relationship BUT there is no order in his home. Schedules are so out of control that he never has a moment to chat or even text. Sad. So ladies, are you robbing family or dear friends of your love because you can't say, "No"?

    Blessings to all the Blue Birds,
    Leslie

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  30. I learned this a bit ago. I'd burned out on volunteering. I was always the first person everyone thought of for every thing. I learned to say, "I need to check my calendar. Can I get back to you by XX?" and I'd give them a day when I'd get back with them and then keep that promise.

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